Should I be super happy? I got a 10% pay raise.

Yesterday, an officemate approached me and told me that, she was going to the CTO or Chief Technology Officer's office. She didn't know what to do and she was totally clueless.

After a few minutes, the phone on the other side of the cubicle rang. A teammate answered it and called my attention because the phone was for me. I answered the phone and said that it was I on the other line and she replied that I had to go to the chief's office as well.

On my way, I passed my officemate who was called earlier. Her face seemed confused or I guess a little worried and there was no time to ask her of what happened. I just walked briskly and went directly to the chief's office.

There, the HR Manager and the company president were present. The chief was sitting comfortably in his chair and began to introduce me with the company president. After the introduction, the president left the office and our HR manager asked me to sit on the chair located at the opposite side of where she was. I just gestured a soft thank you and then took the seat. She then told me, that because of my outstanding performance based on the recommendation made by our project manager, I was given a pay raise. I was shocked. I was literally tongue-tied. After the HR manager explained, she gave me a formal letter stipulating what she had just discussed. She then asked me as to how do I feel. I guess she was expecting me to jump with joy maybe or cry? (Hehehe). Anyway, I was just shocked. My first evaluation was not really excellent as I got only an average rating but then this past few months, according to my manager, I was doing great and I should keep it up. Actually after the "shocking moment", there was a gigantic flood of thoughts running around my head. I can't exactly tell you right now what are those thoughts about, but in the next few days, I will. Anyway, together with the flooding of thoughts was my nerves were a little shaking and my heart was beating fast. I know I was having some second thoughts on a lot of things. Again, my face was very much attentive as to what the CTO was talking, like he was explaining the new roles and responsibilities to me which he ended up by saying that my manager will elaborate on the details. While doing that, I was actually lost in my own thoughts. I usually have this episodes that I get absorbed to what I am thinking but still listening to the other person. I was actually surprised and shocked of what happened and was screaming at the back of my head, that I wanted to go out of the CTO's office already because I was gonna puke. I mean, I was feeling like I was going to vomit and there were no butterflies or insects in my stomach. They were asking me if what was I thinking about them calling me up? Was it that, I have done something wrong or breached any company policies or displeased the client. But the truth is, it's a lot worse. But then again, I cannot tell you guys what it is and in due time I will. (Is it getting really obvious already?) After the CTO and our HR manager explained everything, at last I was allowed to leave the premise. 10% salary increase is good but I still am having issues with it.

I proceeded to my workstation and pleaded my friends that I needed a break. They too agreed that they needed a break. So, we went to Greenwich and an officemate treated us for a free snacks. I was not able to enjoy the pizza and spaghetti because the thoughts were still swirling in my head. I just decided that things would be over and it will be better.