I was so stunned and was really taken aback gulping an ounce of saliva.
When we had a project meeting, I detailed everything what I was doing last week and the things I did today. I then told my project leader that, there was no way for me to know which of the three culprits was responsible of the faulty behavior of validation I was doing. Arggggg. He then told me that there was no design, no documentation and all that. I was given a software to validate and now I have to resolve everything blindly. The pressure is on and it's really tough. The project was made by a third party which the company has no hold of because the contract has ended and that project was passed to me. This is again a serious case of basketball game in the workplace.
Anyway, my project lead told me that I am the one who will fix the issues.
Well it's not simple and it never will be. Aside from the technology which is very new to me and I did studied it but it's no guarantee that I got everything. As I have explained to my project lead, I do not know which things to learn and not to learn, what are the questions to ask and if I have questions, I also do not know how to ask them.
It's a bit frustrating....
Energy, I don't have it anymore, I guess? I was like trying to force myself to work and read all the ISO stuff and all the related standards but nothing would sink in. I was getting tired and sleepy and actually had some moments where I noticed myself shrinking into short naps. The scenario is too embarrassing and very unbecoming for me. Is this a sign of some sort?
I am willing to bet all of my intellectual faculties to this project but then it's not my cup of tea. As I have said, I have vowed to love, to master and explore Java and it's technologies. But, this project is in C/C++ and in Visual Basic. Grrrrr the languages which I am not an expert and languages which I have not sworn to be part of my breathing cells. Even if how demanding my work I was willing to commit if it was all Java. I guess that was one of the reasons why I do not like what I am doing. But most of it, is basically the fact that this project does not have the resources I needed. Another thing is my project lead would always tell me that he expected a lot from me because of my 4 years of experience in software but then he failed to understand that I do not have the advanced knowledge of those languages and technologies and not even the intermediate know-how. I am willing to learn but up to what point? I am actually about to give up this project but I just can't because of the huge risk which will have a major impact not just to myself ....
I guess I have no choice after all. I just need to push myself more and do some stretching more. Hope the strain won't crush me. The challenge is there but then it's not interesting for me - but, I need to do it.